THAT IS ONE BIG FISH

ok, so there’s a movie called Mega Piranha.

well duh.

I watched it on syfy the other day. I kept falling asleep, but there were some piranhas (duh) who grew to unfathomable sizes through the magicks of science & protein. as shown in the picture, they could leap out of the water and snatch helicopters out of the sky. they ended up in florida, thrashing around on the beach and eating all the swimmers and beachgoers and knocking down houses, etc. this was one of the worst movies I’ve seen in a very, very long time. it made me really, really angry like bad movies sometimes do.

it was a logistical problem. they tried to kill the piranhas in so many ways. they nuked them, via underwater submarine/torpedo, without visible effect. then they sent a special team of divers to shoot at the piranhas with underwater guns, trying to “make them bleed” so that the other piranhas’ bloodlust would all be focused on the wounded piranha, and then all the piranhas would attack each other and the day would be saved. so they fired blindly and poorly underwater for a while, until I guess one of them succeeded, at which point EVERY SINGLE PIRANHA swam over to cuddle with the wounded one, aka, circle around the wounded one rapidly while a lot of bluish smoky substance (piranha blood?) billowed forth. one piranha spinning, all the others circling him. and circling. without apparent touching. just circling. and then all of mankind erupts in celebration. first kisses are exchanged, the piranha threat has been neutralized.

except WHAT are the piranhas gonna do once they’ve finished circling/eating the wounded one? continue attacking each other? nah, I don’t think so, probably just TURN AND EAT FLORIDA. this is NOT a solution, I was not convinced by this movie.

also then yesterday I saw a guy with an arm tattoo that I SWEAR was a piranhaconda.

o - o - o

in other news, two stories of mine have recently hit the bricks online (as it were). The first was called “Manual into Grind,” and is over at Used Furniture Review. It was in-progress for a long, long time before it got to be where it is now. I’m glad that it finally found a home. It’s basically about, well, you know. Thanks to David Cotrone for making the magic happen over there.

The second is in NAP, where I have a piece called “Moments That I Haven’t Run Away,” which is basically the opposite. It’s a sad and squirmy one. Actually, both of these are sort of sad and squirmy. That’s the best way to be. That Chad Redden what rules NAP is quite a ship, I’m telling you.

I had a very special item accepted at Word Riot too, just a few days ago, which feels like pretty big news. I think you’ll all like it a lot when it shows up. I certainly do.

and… the Safety Pin Review’s got its 29^th issue, which is pretty fantastic, work from Rachel Swirsky (whoa!), so CHECK IT OUT.

Anyway, happy mid-week post-humpday to you all. Big things next month, for me.

Anyone who reads this blog, I love you. Tell me you read it and I’ll tell you I love you. It’s so nice to have readers.